Having deep connections with others is vital to our wellbeing
All relationships, whether familial, romantic, or platonic, can shape our lives and worldviews. And whilst every relationship is different, having healthy relationships can be one of life’s greatest joys. A healthy relationship might be one where we feel free to be ourselves. Where you can share your greatest worries or joys and feel safe opening up. For some, our friends are our world.
People become friends for many reasons, like those who are friends due to understanding of cultures or religion, and there are those who are friends due to similar interests or environments, such as being in the same school or clubs.
It is often a hard fact to accept when our friends change. Do they not text you anymore? Do they not want to meet up? Do they look or sound dull, sad and overall not bubbly? Are you finding that they’re withdrawn?
Do you think it’s you?
The reality is we are all facing our own challenges. While some might feel better after opening up, others may withdraw due to fear of being judged, or even misunderstood. One of the reasons your friend may be withdrawing could be due to their mental health.
Just because your friend hasn’t opened up to you, it doesn’t mean they think you’ll judge them.it could be that because your friend sees you as a person that is associated with fun and happy memories, they may not want to burden you with the struggles they are enduring. In fact, one of the main symptoms across several mental health disorders is withdrawal.
So what’s the solution?
It’s important for you to know that the following advice may not be exactly applicable and you are the only one who knows your friend best. Trust yourself, but you can also use the following tips as a guide:
a. Let them know you are there for them.
Don’t push the matter and be as soft in your approach as possible. How you do this is up to your communication style and there’s no wrong approach as long as you allow them to share at their own pace. You can start the conversation by saying something like:
“hey I’m here if you want to talk”
“are you ok? You don’t seem yourself lately”
B. Check on them.
There is a delicate balance when checking in on someone who is withdrawing, or reluctant to share how they are feeling. Asking too much might come as pushy, whilst not checking in enough may seem like you do not truly care. Allow them to respond in their own time, but also know they may not always respond when you check up. You can say something like:
“Hey, I just wanted to check in on you. I’m thinking about you and I hope you are doing better. Don’t feel pressured to reply, but please let me know if I can support you.”
C. Be understanding and empathetic.
Lastly, it’s very crucial you approach your friend with empathy. Try to understand their feelings and thoughts, should they let you in on what they are dealing with. It can be incredibly difficult for someone to open up, and for a friend, this will mean a lot. Try to use sayings like “that’s understandable” and “I get you.”
Remaining patient is very important
I will also add here that supporting a friend is a brave and rewarding thing but it should never be at the expense of your mental health. Be mindful to be a listening ear and help where you can, but do not take the role of a professional. It might be that they require specialist support, and you can help them find that.
Finally, do not beat yourself if these don’t work. It may take time, and if you cannot speak to them, you can keep them in your duas.
And Allah knows best.
Written by: A Helpline Volunteer